I can’t believe my last summer is almost over. It’s almost like I’m a real adult. In roughly two weeks, I’ll be moving into a new apartment. I think I should decorate my walls really well because I have a sinking feeling I’ll be spending a lot of time staring at them…
Ritualistically, I end up making a ‘to accomplish’ list for the upcoming school year that unsurprisingly resembles my new year’s list. I guess that means my new year’s goals are never actually realized.
Blogging is intrinsically a solipsistic activity. There is a certain amount of boldness embedded in the idea that one’s thoughts are interesting enough to engage strangers. Writing a blog about oneself is akin to concocting a story where the protagonist fraught with problems eventually escapes unscathed through some stroke of luck, perseverance, or both. Eventually, the blog veers towards portraying a neatly edited alter ego. After all, the natural formation of a thought does not come packaged with an introduction or conclusion. Therefore in the pruning process, I leave out the skepticism, rudeness, and insecurities which plague my thoughts (and inherently make them my thoughts) so as not to offend. The diluted product merely resembles but fails to encompass any of my original beliefs. Such is the curse of being a guarded and introspective person.
But there is something appealing about putting my entries out into the blogosphere. The anonymity of it all. The possibility that a random stranger who has no emotional connection to you comes across your words and finds them intriguing.
So here’s to you, random stranger.
I stole this from Anna, who stole it from someone else
Five Favorite Characters: Hedwig, Hermione, Hagrid, Snape, Dumbledore
Three Least Favorite Characters: Pansy Parkinson, Wormtail, Lockhart
Favorite Member of the Trio: Hermione
Three Favorite Magical Creatures: Hippogriffs, Bowtruckles, Werewolves
Favorite Family: The Weasleys
Favorite Villain: Grindelwald
Favorite Death Eater: Bellatrix
Favorite Non-Hogwarts Magical Building: The Leaky Cauldron
Diagon Alley Location: Ollivanders
Three Favorite Spells: Stupefy, Accio, Wingardium Leviosa
Three Favorite Potions: Polyjuice potion, Wolfsbane, Mrs. Scower’s Magical Mess Remover
Favorite Unforgivable Curse: Imperio
Favorite Department of Mysteries Room: Prophecy room
Favorite Mode of Transportation: Portkey
Favorite Weasley: Bill
Weasley Favorite Order Member: Mad eye Moody
Favorite pet: Norbert
One Character You’d Bring Back to Life: Dobby
Moment That Will Always Make You Cry: The memories which explain Snape’s past with Lily
Favorite Hogwarts Room: Room of requirement
Favorite Class: Charms
Favorite Teacher: Professor Flitwick
Least Favorite Teacher: Professor Umbridge
Favorite Non-Human Hogwarts Resident: Nearly Headless Nick
Favorite Hogsmeade Location: Zonko’s
Favorite Triwizard Champion: Harry Potter
Favorite Triwizard Task: Maze
Which Character You’d Ask to the Yule Ball: Neville
Which Character You’d Like to Use a Love Potion On: Professor Dumbledore
Which Character You’d Like to Use Veritaserum On: Professor Dumbledore
How Long You Have Been a HP Fan?: I started reading when the 3rd book came out
Favorite Wizard Rock Band: Weird Sisters
Number of Midnight Releases You Have Attended: 2
Most Ridiculous Potter Theory You’ve Heard: Can’t remember
House You Think You’d Be Sorted Into: Hufflepuff
Your Patronus Would Be A: Penguin
To You, Amortentia Would Smell Like: Chanel No. 5, cinnamon, dusty roads, smell of the earth after rain
You’d Use Felix Felicis To: Accomplish something I’ve always wanted
The Job You Would Most Like to Try: Something related to charms :D
Which You Would Rather See — a Sequel or a Prequel: A prequel about Dumbledore
Animagus or Metamorphmagus: Metamorphmagus
Bertie Bott’s Every Flavor Beans or Chocolate Frogs: Chocolate frogs
Black or Lupin: Black
Death Eaters or Dumbledore’s Army: Dumbledore’s Army
Draco or Lucius: Draco
Durmstrang or Beauxbatons: Neither… Hogwarts
Floo Powder or Broom: Broom
Fred or George: I can’t tell the difference
Grimmauld Place or The Burrow: Grimmauld Place
Herbology or Care of Magical Creatures: Care of Magical Creatures
Hippogriffs or Thestrals: Hippogriffs
Mermish or Parselmouth: Parselmouth
Occlumency or Legilimency: Occlumency
Peeves or Nearly Headless Nick: Nearly Headless Nick
Peter Pettigrew or Mundungus Fletcher: Mundungus Fletcher
Professor Binns or Professor Umbridge: Professor Binns
S.P.E.W. or the Inquisitorial Squad: S.P.E.W.
The Ministry of Magic or Gringotts: Ministry of Magic
Three Broomsticks or The Leaky Cauldron: The Leaky Cauldron
Werewolf or Inferus: Werewolf
Whomping Willow or Flying Ford Anglia: Whomping Willow
Yule Ball or Quidditch Championship: Quidditch Championship
I’ve wanted it to be winter break the moment that Thanksgiving break ended. It’s that time of year where I make resolutions. Here are my 2011 goals (in no particular order):
1) Learn to cook
2) Stop procrastinating
3) No more all nighters
4) Don’t get winded after climbing a flight of stairs
5) Learn something new
So there’s my list! I think it’s relatively short so hopefully I’ll be able to accomplish most if not all of these things. I’ll report back in December 2011 =P
I shouldn’t be posting right now!
I’m almost at the end of my seven module exams. I have two more tomorrow… one of which is arguably the toughest exam in the set (a.k.a the one I’m least prepared for). It’s hard to imagine that in roughly 14 hours, I’ll officially start winter break =D
In a ritualistic manner, I always make new year’s resolutions even though I know I won’t keep most of them. However, I’m always hopeful that the next year will be different!
This is just a place holder post… I’ll be posting my resolutions after my tests. In addition, I’ll also write about what I’m most looking forward to in 2011 as well as a reflection of 2010. So, in essence, this post is pretty useless… it’s just me looking for ways to not study Immunology. Mission accomplished.
My favorite book by far is Les Miserables. I don’t know many who have read the book… possibly because the unabridged version contains nearly 1500 pages. I can never finish the ending without crying. If I could be 1/1000000 of the person Jean Valjean is, I’d feel accomplished. Over the weekend, I read parts of the book and came across this quote:
Before him he saw two roads, both equally straight; but he did see two; and that terrified him—he who had never in his life known anything but one straight line. And, bitter anguish, these two roads were contradictory.
(NOTE: May contain some book spoilers… but I will try to keep it to a minimum)
The quote refers to Javert, who had his fundamental beliefs shaken in one swift moment. The incident left him questioning everything in his life he had dedicated himself to. Like Javert, I think everyone can see two paths before them. And often times, they are completely contradictory. The question is, how can you know which path to take? Sadly, the correct choice doesn’t have large neon signs saying “TAKE THIS ONE”…
I have a mental image of life as walking through a densely populated forest at night. It’s hard to see where you’re going and often times, it may seem impossible to make it through. But there are fleeting moments where the moonlit does shine through the branches and illuminate the path. As you get older, the forest slowly becomes less dense, and it becomes easier to see where you’re going. At the end of the long road, I imagine there’s something akin to a lake. You gaze into the lake and stare at your reflection. And hopefully, you’ll like the person staring back.
Second week of medical school. As the stress and pressure increase, my more dramatic and analytical self emerges. I begin to ask myself if some level of sadism isn’t involved in the lives of medical students. Are we not all inflicting some pain on ourselves with these endless hours of studying in the hopes that it will lead to happiness later in life? Most importantly, when will we reach that elusive “later in life”?
I remember being in high school and thinking that if I study well and get into a good college, then I’ll be set. I got to college and discovered that the process was far from over. So I repeated what I told myself in high school: If I did well in college, I’ll go to medical school then I’ll be set. Well, here I am… and I think things are as unsettled as can be. After medical school, there is residency, and then fellowship. So far, life has been a series of “thens”. Perhaps I need to focus more on the now than later.
And who is to say that my education is the only defining point of my life? Is my life really spaced out into neat increments of post high school, post college, and post medical school? Or does my personal development trump those events? And for that matter, what has been my personal development? Maybe it is the sheer difficulty of organizing character changes into neat increments that makes me at a loss to explain how exactly I have changed. Unlike with school, there is no pre and post event that I can pinpoint as truly defining. True, there are some things firmly etched into memory. However, trying to describe how I have changed is akin to wrestling a cloud (the mental imagery makes me wish I could wrestle a cloud…).
Perhaps when we are old and grey and have reached that mythical “later in life”, how will we define everything? I guess time can only tell.
I would be lying if I said this was my first post on a blogging site.
Six years ago, I did have a blog on the now defunct Xanga. I still have the site address, and some of the posts are still there. However, I’m going to keep that a secret since I’d rather be the only one who knows. I shared it with my best friends - Emily, Kayleigh, and Kelly. Sometimes, I still browse the site just to see how I was years back. The last entry was dated December 20th, 2006.
As I’m reading, inevitably, a smile will creep onto my face as I glimpse into the inner workings of my 14/16 year old self. It’s hard to imagine that so many years have gone by. Here’s an excerpt:
Haha, so much for Saturday… you have to call me and tell me all about it. And yeah I gotta tell you some stuff too. Hehe. Both you and Sahithi are coming to my party and not sleeping over. Sillypants.
You are completely insane, AND you need to write on here more. Or else. *hires assassin* MY ASSASSIN WILL GET YOU!
Wow, that was odd.
-Buzz
That was a comment to a post I had written. I was reading through the other comments… and there were a few from Dan Weston and Brian Gerst. Dan, who I had known superficially since 9th grade recently committed suicide. Brian… I don’t know where he is now, but he was arrested a few times in high school and did drugs. Also, he may or may not have shown up to the first day of school drunk.
It’s weird not only to see glimpses of my younger self, but also glimpses of others. At that point in time, those people were reading my post and formulating a comment. At that point in time, they had not committed suicide, done drugs, or been arrested. What changed from the moment they commented on the post to now? What had they gone through to result in their life decisions? I can’t help but long for the days where our biggest problems consisted of geometry or coinciding birthday parties.
One of my biggest flaws is how often I get nostalgic. Especially in times of difficulty. Currently, I’m 3 days into my first day of medical school. I had gone in on Monday with my characteristic optimism - determined to not repeat my failures with the MCAT. It’s Wednesday now, and the optimism has long left me and been replaced with a feeling of emptiness. That and nostalgia.
Not helping the feeling of nostalgia is the return of my childhood friend, Madhuriya. She is coming from India on Saturday to start school in the New Jersey Institute of Technology. I can only wonder how she is feeling coming to a new place since I have been in her shoes before. Being an immigrant is a funny thing. People assume that perhaps because I came at age 7, it wouldn’t be so hard to assimilate. And they would be right. It wasn’t hard to learn the language and culture. I even made friends. However, that elusive label of best friend has been bestowed to a few.
But I doubt even they truly know me like Madhuriya does. She is roughly 3 months older than me and an only child. Almost every childhood memory of mine involves her - taking dancing lessons, singing lessons, playing hide and seek, running barefoot on the streets. She has seen a part of me that none of my current friends have known. She knows where I came from - the street where I fell and scrapped my knees, the blue/green colors of my childhood home, my love for climbing rooftops. She knows the part of me that no one ever will. Every time I see her, my heart skips a beat, and I can almost smell the street where I grew up.
One post would not do justice to my experiences with her. So I won’t try. Besides, I should get back to what I was doing before this. Studying embryology. Alas, the reason I finally started the blog that I had been promising to start for a while is because I was looking for distractions. Nevertheless, I’ll pick up writing another day.
I hadn’t realized how much I truly missed writing. My name, derived from a Sanskrit word, means literature. I guess I will start living up to my name. And who knows, perhaps many years from now, I’ll look back at the ramblings of my 20-year old self and smile.
<3
